There is too much vodka and too much dick.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
