we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
