I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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