Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
