i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
