You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I licked your asshole in confidence.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
