Porn is love you can see.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
