Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
