That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
