hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
