she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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