so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
