Small penises have feelings too.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
