I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
