Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
