Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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