I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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