this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
