Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
