At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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