Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you will always have a special place in my vag
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
