Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
