highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
