I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
