does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize