I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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