Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The Olympian is in my bed
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
