I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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