We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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