You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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