Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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