someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Just puked most of my soul out..
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
