dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
