How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
