you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
