threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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