The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
