Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize