I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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