Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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