Define "chronic" masturbator.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
