Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
