you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You ruined the universe
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize