Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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