I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
