he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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