Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
