I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
