if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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