I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
