There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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