Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize