3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
