WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
