I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
