we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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