Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
