that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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