I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
