I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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