Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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