When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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