I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
