remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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