mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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