Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
