I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
